I tried to have Halloween spirit by watching Rosemary's Baby

This week, I watched Rosemary's Baby for the first time. 

I should probably start off by saying my opinion of this movie is extremely unpopular.  I thought it was stupid and I was bummed.  I wanted to be really scared and I didn't even feel any anticipation of scariness to come.  OK,  I felt scared for a tiny instant when they moved the wardrobe from in front of that closet, but that was it. (The closet had a vacuum and some towels in it.)  I mostly felt annoyed that Rosemary wasn't following her gut as much as she should have.   Directed by Roman Polanski, it was, visually, excellent.  And it did make me want to wear 1960's shift dresses.  I just kept thinking how beautiful Mia Farrow was, but also what an idiot.  Let's look at some examples.  Rosemary's lack of esteem in decision-making and trusting her gut makes me GRRRRRR, even now, three days later.

 

1. She did get her way by moving into the fancy apartment, so I'll give her that - but how did they even afford it? 

 It didn't seem like she had a job, and her (douchy & lying) husband only got crap acting jobs, so I doubt they could afford a huge place in NYC and $200 chairs (in 1965, mind you, so that is actually like a $1000 chair now right?).  Plus they were constantly having more furniture delivered.  At least she made her own window seat cushions, although, as someone who sews, I know that making things yourself does not save money.  Fabric is frickin' expensive.  So she sat around all day and decorated and had witch tea with her strange neighbor?  Satisfying.

 

2. She didn't further question all the scratches on her body after her nightmare about being raped by the Devil.

 Really?  Really?  Then the husband (who is supposed to be a hunk, but is sort of normal-looking) is all like, oh, yeah, I may have had rough sex with you last night while you were passed out.  And she was like, hmmmm, ok, that seems legit.

 

 

3. Oh - and she accepted the necklace owned by the woman who "fell out the window" while living with the creepy neighbors.

  Yeah, it was pretty, but it HELD HERBS THAT SMELLED BAD.  That's sort of a red flag.

 

4. She got that Vidal Sassoon haircut. 

 I mean, it was adorbs, good for her.  But the way everyone reacts?  What is wrong with her husband?  She should have stood up for herself more on that one.  Side Note - in real life, it actually COST Vidal Sassoon 5K to fly to NY and give Mia that haircut.

 

5.  If you have neighbors that are kind of nosy and or creepy and give you a weird vibe - you probably shouldn't eat any of the food or drinks they force on you, especially if they refuse to tell you the ingredients.

 

 Seriously.  On a related note - 

 

6.  Why are you just going along with everything everyone tells you, Rosemary?  

Choose your own damned doctor and take whatever vitamins you want!  Even 40 years ago, one should not have been convinced that a drink made with eggs, milk, and "other stuff" was a sufficient pre-natal vitamin source.  She did appear to have many female friends she could have gone to for further advice on this matter.

 

So, in the end (spoiler alert) when she births the spawn of Satan, and finds out her husband has joined a coven of witches that all reside in her building, I feel fine with her deciding to mother the baby.  I mean, if ya can't beat 'em, join 'em, and she really deserved all that came to her for being such a pretty little pushover.  IT probably was best for her to join the coven so she'd have all those crazies on her side to continue and make her decisions.  

Images courtesy of giphy.com

Pubes - I'm 32 and I still don't get their deal.

So pubes, right?  When I was about 14 or 15, a friend and I decided we were going to do away with the whole bush before either of lost our virginity (or had boys near our lady business at all).  Thus a mere 3 or 4 years after getting the pubes they were gone.

I have to admit, at the time, I did't realize they reached so far back into the abyss of the no-no-zone.  I thought it was a straight-forward frontal area situation.  Wrong.  As I secretly tried to shove pubes down our shower drain, I thought about body hair of days gone by.  I knew 70's pubes were pretty bushy. I had been unlucky enough to view some bad 1970's porn a friend had stolen from her parents.  During the late 80's and early 90's I was privy to my mom wearing thong leotards to aerobics class, and I changed at dance with the older girls, so I knew pubes were still join' strong.

I believed my friend and I were the start of something huge.  Plus, Cosmo had told us in several different articles how important it was to be bare down there.  Since that is a scientific journal of sorts, and they probably did lots of studies.  In my personal studies, men are vagina-seeking missiles and as long as one of those is down there, the rest is negotiable.


Why?  Why is it even a thing?  For the men?  A horrifyingly perverted dude once told me the 70's were the best for sex because (warning if you vomit easily) all the musk was held in the pubic hair.  I say, let's turn it on the men!

Back when women were clubbed over the head and dragged into the cave along with that day's kill, I imagine pubic hair served the same purpose all the other body hair does - protection.  Well, let me tell ya, I doubt that if something's trying to get up in there it's gonna be the pubes that will stop it.

Anyhow, now it's 18 years later and I have gone through various emotional stages while showering and shaving.



I considered letting it all fly free, but after 4 days of freedom and anti-itch cream, that was the end of that.

I have also attempted The Landing Strip several times.

I've yet to successfully grow a respectable strip.  First, you have to try and shape it right with your Bic disposable razor that you have clearly been using for three months and has some rust and is mostly clogged with shave gel.  Then, during the evening out and shaping process, the thing just gets smaller and smaller until, once again, you are bare down there.  Opps. I tell you, it's impossible.  Once you go bare, there will NEVER BE ANYTHING THERE.  Unless.....


You purchase a merkin*.

1. *A merkin is a pubic wig. Merkins were originally worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia, and are now used as decorative items, erotic devices, or in films, by both men and women.

And now, important moments in pube pop-culture.

How did you wind up there?

What Type Of Pube Are You? Take the Quiz!

Images: giphy (4); unicornhuntress.blogspot.com; moviesnottowatchwithparents.com; southparkstudios.com

Hello! It's time for Afternoon Snark. I'm Laura Brennan, and I'll be your host.

Today, in our Thursday edition, we have Sally Beauty Supply.

  1. My very-specific favorite hair dryer is sold there, and I saw the sign for a free tote with purchase of electric hair tools, yet, the two women working (because you need two idiots to work a store the approximate size of a wide hallway) did not offer me a free tote.  I could actually use a tote (free or otherwise) so I was sort of excited.  Granted, it was some sort of fake sparkly hounds tooth pattern, but regardless.  I did not ask about the free tote, because I feared it would cause major confusion and I did not want to interrupt...




2. Their conversation about hotdogs wrapped in bacon.  Now, had I not heard this conversation, I would have already been concerned about the health and well being of these women, so this only furthered my worry. 



3. Working at Sally Beauty Supply does not mean you have to actively use ALL THE SUPPLIES every day.  I mean, actually, maybe it is in the contract that you do, like how if you work at Gap you have to wear clothes are from Gap or affiliate stores.


Images: giphy.com (2); photopin.com