Follow these simple steps to live every day like it's your last.
1. Cut and trim your own bangs. Tell your stylist yes, you did cut your own bangs. Don't care when she frowns at you. Tell her you used kitchen scissors.
2. ALWAYS wait until your gas light has been on for at least 15 miles before stopping for gas. Extra points if you are getting close to that 15 miles and you have no idea where the closest gas station is.
3. When using a recipe, estimate all measurements. I almost always make banana bread using just estimation, and it's usually a pretty edgy loaf.
4. If out at a restaurant, bar, or other venue serving alcohol, tell the bartender to "surprise you". This is especially useful at all-inclusive resorts when you may begin drinking at 9 a.m. without judgement.
5. Leave your laundry in the washer a few hours after it is done. THEN transfer it to the dryer. Will it gain that musty, "damp-to-long smell"? Who knows!
6. Sit on public toilet seats. Especially in airports and sports venues.
7. Shave your no-no parts with the cheapest disposable razor you can find, using your conditioner as a "shave gel".*
8. Have sex in the morning, before anyone has brushed their teeth or gone to the bathroom.
9. Incorporate one British word into your turn to speak at a staff meeting. Some suggestions: Bugger, Cheeky, Knackered, The Loo, Minging, Snooker.
10. Match your eye make-up to your clothing. Mostly, match it to your shirt. Buy one of those really cheap palates they sell at the drugstore around Christmas that has 239874 colors. Use the stiff brush that comes with the set.*
*The writer of this article is not responsible for staph infections.
Doing it!
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